Awhile back, a dear friend asked me why I would choose to faithfully serve a God who has allowed bad things to happen to me. One could rephrase the question this way--"Why do you choose to serve a God who claims to be all-powerful, loving and good when He has allowed you to suffer so much?" My friend is an atheist. She is intelligent and kind, and she would not have asked this question flippantly or with ill intent. She truly wanted to know. Instinctively, she knew that I had wrestled with the hard questions which suffering brings into the life of a person of faith, and she wanted to know what I had discovered. I felt she deserved a thorough and heartfelt response, a response I would give to anyone whom I love and respect. I doubt very much that my answer satisfied her because the answers we are given to these questions are never satisfying.
Recent events have me revisiting these questions. Why must Jenny suffer the horrors of Stage 4 cancer in the prime of her life, just as she was given everything she had dreamed of and hoped for? Why have things been so hard for my immediate and extended family lately? Why can't a single compartment of my life or the life of my husband go untouched by hardship? Why were 20 children and 6 adults mercilessly slaughtered right before Christmas? It all seems so preventable, so unnecessary.....
Timothy Keller places these questions and those like them under the umbrella of the "Questions of Suffering." I have extensively read and listened to his thoughts concerning these difficult questions. His insight has profoundly shaped my own, which will be obvious if you are familiar with his teaching. I am going to share with you what I wrote in response to my friend's question. I'm going to share this with you now because if you are like me, grieving and suffering in a myriad of different ways this holiday season, you need to be reminded that our existence yet contains the hope of joy because of Christmas and that the birth of Christ is something worth celebrating even if our hearts are not merry.
I wrote most of the following on August 15, 2012. I have edited a bit in order to clarify my thoughts and speak to recent events:
Recent events have me revisiting these questions. Why must Jenny suffer the horrors of Stage 4 cancer in the prime of her life, just as she was given everything she had dreamed of and hoped for? Why have things been so hard for my immediate and extended family lately? Why can't a single compartment of my life or the life of my husband go untouched by hardship? Why were 20 children and 6 adults mercilessly slaughtered right before Christmas? It all seems so preventable, so unnecessary.....
Timothy Keller places these questions and those like them under the umbrella of the "Questions of Suffering." I have extensively read and listened to his thoughts concerning these difficult questions. His insight has profoundly shaped my own, which will be obvious if you are familiar with his teaching. I am going to share with you what I wrote in response to my friend's question. I'm going to share this with you now because if you are like me, grieving and suffering in a myriad of different ways this holiday season, you need to be reminded that our existence yet contains the hope of joy because of Christmas and that the birth of Christ is something worth celebrating even if our hearts are not merry.
I wrote most of the following on August 15, 2012. I have edited a bit in order to clarify my thoughts and speak to recent events:
"[Friend], your question is not unique. I recently read somewhere
that according to a nationwide survey, the issue of suffering is the number ONE
reason many people reject Christianity. I am going to be very honest with you—you
won’t be completely satisfied with my answer because I have not found the
answer to why there is suffering ANYWHERE in the Bible. And I’ve looked! All we
know is that the Bible tells us that once the world was perfect, but man chose
to disobey God. Since that choice, evil, sin and suffering has been a part of
the world in which we live, and these things are the result of our brokenness, sinful natures and the destructive schemes of Satan, the anti-God.
The best answer I have found to the “why” of suffering is located in Isaiah
55—“’For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’ says
the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher
than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.’” That’s not very
satisfying, is it?
For a moment, let’s pretend that the issue is a philosophical one.
The problem so many people have generally boils down to this—“The presence of
evil and suffering in the world must mean that God cannot be simultaneously all
powerful and all good because if He can’t stop the evil, He isn’t all powerful,
and if He can stop the evil and doesn’t, He can’t be all good.” This problem
turns countless people away, people who have never believed and people who at one
time said they did. But turning away from God doesn’t help anyone with the
issue of evil and suffering because if one turns away from God how does one
define suffering?
Evil and suffering must be defined by some absolute moral code
or who is to say "_____ is evil" or "____ is suffering"? If there is no God, there
is no divine law. Nature rules, and we all know that nature rules by violence.
So if there is no God, who is to say that violence is wrong? And if there is no
God, who is to say that suffering is not natural? If there is no God, we are
slaves to evolution, which means that the weak have to die so the strong can live and carry
on. Suffering should and would still happen
if there was no God. If there is no God, there are no moral absolutes, so
“right” and “wrong” are just feelings, and who is to say that one person’s
feelings about morality are more valid than those of another? So, while I have
no real answer for why I am suffering, I realize that disbelief and anger
get me nowhere.
I know you didn’t ask, but I want you to know how I get
through my suffering with happiness and hope. We are friends, and I love you.
It would be wrong to cut short my response at a philosophical level because the
real issue you have isn’t one of philosophy, but one of faith. I don’t mean
that in a condemning or condescending way at all. I hope you read this feeling
the compassion and empathy I’m trying to communicate.
I’ve been studying 1 Peter in the Bible, which could be otherwise titled,
“Suffering for Dummies.” This dummy (me) has learned a lot from this letter to the suffering, Roman church. I’m going
to quote a passage from Chapter 1 not because I’m trying to preach or whop you
over the head with a Bible, but because God’s words have power that mine do
not. Also, they have been my lifeline, so you can’t understand my attitude
about my illness unless you know the source of my hope--
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who
according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a LIVING HOPE through
the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible
and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you who are
kept by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in
the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if
need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your
faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by
fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus
Christ, whom having not seen, you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet
believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the
goal of your faith—the salvation of your souls.”--1 Peter 1:3-9
In this passage, Peter likens suffering (trials) to a fire.
I will give evidence of God’s goodness in a moment, but for now, I will tell
you that God’s wrath (God is wrathful because He is just and righteous, and
justice and righteousness can’t allow evil and suffering to go unpunished) is
also likened to a fire, and it is the ultimate fire. No fire I will ever face [even the soul-burning fire of losing a child to a mass murderer] will be as great as the fire of God’s wrath. I include that tidbit because
there is One who faced that fire. Christianity is the only religion in the
world that boasts of a deity becoming a man in order to die for His
subjects. Jesus willingly left Heaven, giving up His God-ness and all of the
privileges thereof, knowing better than any human that ever lived what the fire
of God’s wrath is like, and He PLUNGED Himself into that fire so that He could end
evil and salvage us. The fact that He did that does not give me the answer to why there is
suffering in the world, but it DOES tell me what the answer ISN’T. It isn’t that He does not
care!
I firmly believe that my suffering is personal to Jesus because He felt everything
on the cross that I am feeling now . . . . only much more profoundly. He was cast
into utter darkness so that I could live in light. My mind is so blown by that!
Though it is old knowledge, it rips my heart to shreds every time I think of
it. I cannot think about the cross without tears. Jesus went to the greatest
lengths imaginable to keep His promise He made in Isaiah 43—“Fear not for I
have redeemed you; I have called you by your name, You are Mine. When you pass
through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not
overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor
shall the flame scorch you . . . . . Fear not, for I am with you.”
In addition to the blazing emblem of God's love--the cross--1 Peter 1 tells me that I have this “living hope” thing to which I can look when all seems lost. I believe that because the living hope is “through the
resurrection” of Jesus that I can bank on that hope being more than just some
spiritual, ethereal Band-aid that will somehow make me feel better about my
suffering. No. I believe it is going to be a restoration of everything I’ve
lost—my health, my dreams, my happiness, and every cent I’ve given away
believing that I am indeed laying up my treasure in Heaven. It’s going to be this life, this world made right! 1 Peter 5:10 says, “And after you have suffered
a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory
in Christ, will Himself RESTORE, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” (If
everybody in the house wasn’t asleep right now, I would shout!)
I believe that everyone has to have a “living hope” to get
through suffering without being ruined. So, I wonder, what was Jesus’ living hope? What
did He NOT have in Heaven? What could
possibly make the ultimate suffering worth it for Him?
It’s us. WE are His
living hope. And knowing that I am His living hope, makes Him mine!
But none of that is philosophical. That’s faith. It boils
down to Jesus, “whom having not seen [I] love. Though now [I] do not see Him,
yet believing, [I] rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving
the end of [my] faith—the salvation of [my soul.]”
God has given me the gift of faith, and I
have accepted His lordship over my life. The Guy who jumped into the hottest fire in existence to
save me is worthy of my submission. Once that decision is firmly made, the
“problem” of suffering isn’t really a problem anymore. You asked specifically
about Job. I will quote from a poem written about Job by John Piper. It is a
sentiment to which I deeply relate—“Unkindly has He kindly shown me God.”
The
reason suffering isn’t a problem for me anymore is that I want to see God more
than I want to live a life of ease, happiness or comfort. And the truly amazing thing about God is that He
ALWAYS shows up in suffering."
End entry.
This Christmas season, more than any other, I am thankful to serve a God who is "a Man of sorrows and well acquainted with grief." We need the suffering Savior this year. I need the suffering Savior this year. May we all find our solace in Him during this difficult Christmas season.
And if anyone from Newton, Connecticut happens upon my humble blog, I want you to know that I am crying real tears with you, my soul hurts with yours and I am lifting you before my great and awesome God, who will hold you in His very arms if only you will let Him. Grace and peace be with you.