Some people get the idea that once you experience a miracle you live happily ever after. Like some weird Christianese adaptation of a Disney screenplay. As the beneficiary of multiple miracles, I would argue that simply isn’t true.
A Few of the Ways Jenny Lives On
On this day in 2013, Brandon drove me south along winding, hilly roads to visit Jenny and her family for the afternoon. They’d left Houston to spend some time at the Toledo Bend lake house for the weekend. In Brandon’s mind, I could have left him at any time. To avoid potential regret, he always said “yes” when it was in his power to do so. He’s amazing.
If you’ve been reading long enough, you may remember my friend Jenny. She would have turned 43 this week. Our friendship was the result of a “chance” meeting only God is creative enough to dream up.
She and I were so glad to see each other that first day of September. What these smiles don’t tell you is how hard that year had been.
Scrooge-y: A Christmas Healing Story
The Unexpected Power of Our Little 'Yes'
Healing in the Aftermath: How the kids and I used our sanctified imaginations to heal trauma (and you can too)
You may remember that my home was hit by a tornado back in April. My children and I were outside in the storm for a couple of minutes, debris blowing all around us. While we weren’t hurt physically, the terror of that moment left a mark on our spirits.
The three of us have utilized a combination of tools—spiritual and psychological—to recover from the trauma. If you’ve read my guide, Ten Tools for Inner Healing, you will be familiar with some of the spiritual tools.
What’s so interesting to me is how both approaches put the imagination to work.
Like a Child: Why God wants you to reclaim your imagination
Have you ever wondered what Jesus meant when he said, "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it"? (Mark 10:15 NIV)
Imagine a little child. Maybe you're looking at one or holding her in your lap. What makes her childlike? Her trust, definitely. If you are her parent, her heart is wide open to you. She expects you to answer when she cries or says your name. She knows that even when she shows you the worst of herself, you will continue to love her. He probably doesn't worry. He's innocent--unless something has gone horribly wrong. He's humble. He knows he's a child, he's content to be one, and he's confident in his identity as a son.
But boy or girl and regardless of experience, they have this thing in common--a vibrant imagination. Unfortunately, many of us lose touch with our imaginations over time.
Jesus said the greatest commandment in the Law is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." All. He wants every square inch, every ounce of passion. Your full self. All your thinking capacity. Your logic and your imagination.
The Strength of Family, The Kindness of Friends
The morning after the tornado came through, we were all a little dull from lack of sleep and that hollow feeling you get after a trauma. Brandon left early for work. Text messages rolled in from friends asking how they could help.
Foggy-brained and feeling lost without Brandon, I didn't know how to answer. I'd never cleaned up after a storm. Not a literal one, anyway. And so I thanked them and told them we were okay. Even if it wasn't true at the moment, it would be in a few days.
My Building, God's Building: A Guest Post by Superman
The night after the tornado, we ate a lukewarm dinner in the dark. We slept a few hours, waking in the early morning to a series of text messages heralding a fresh wave of tornado warnings. This time we heeded them.
After a stop at the restroom, we all headed back out to Brandon’s metal shop. Mom, Dad, and Kelsay (our friend who lived with my parents at the time) joined us until the worst had passed. It wasn’t comfortable. The concrete floor was hard, the air around us cool and dark, but we were safe and content.
I was reminded of Noah’s ark—a place of safety in the storm, a symbol of our ultimate salvation. Just as there is a story behind the ark, there is a story behind Brandon’s building.
A Tornado Came Through
Four weeks ago today, a series of storms blew through North Louisiana, producing several tornadoes. My family shares property with my parents in a small community marked by a flashing light, a couple of churches, and a new Dollar General. We essentially live in Middle of Nowhere, Louisiana, which seems to be a tiny tornado alley of sorts.
Ten Quick Reasons to Download Ten Tools for Inner Healing
It's been a while! For the past three months, I've been on a much-needed hiatus, sorting through soul issues I plan to discuss in the upcoming weeks. During that time, I also wrote an e-book, entitled Ten Tools for Inner Healing: A Learner's Guide to Wholeness. I'm excited to announce that I've made it available to you for FREE!
The book begins with a synopsis of my testimony and an explanation of how "healing prayer" was a major catalyst in my physical, emotional, and spiritual healing. From there, I share some things I've learned about inner healing and wholeness over the past two years as I've applied them to my daily walk with God and in ministry to others.
Finding Beauty in Brokenness: Talena Winters' Journey in Healing from Child Loss
Have you ever experienced a moment where your world just broke?
Most of us have, to some degree or another.
For me, I had two such moments very close to each other. They changed my world, redefined almost everything I thought I knew about God, and through that, changed me.
The first, unfortunately, is not a story I can share publicly, because other people’s lives would be impacted. It’s enough to know that the moment happened on February 11, 2015, and triggered the deepest grief cycle of my life up to that point.
A little less than four months later, I was still deeply in mourning when my youngest son (who had just turned three) was killed because he’d thought it would be clever to dash out behind Daddy’s truck to “hide” as my husband was backing up.
Me Too: Conclusion
The pain of what happened is gone, but healing continues. Because relationship continues.
I’m still learning to trust God—really trust him. No matter what happens. This one is hard for me. You see, I was always where I was supposed to be when the bad things happened (and not just sexual abuse)—in my classroom, in my house, with family, at church, at work, at youth camp.
Not that I was perfectly behaved, but most of my foolishness took place after all the abuse and betrayals had occurred. Evil sought me out. Hunted me.
(Not that a woman’s foolishness or wisdom justifies or condemns the wrongful actions of others. Assault is assault, no matter where she was when it happened.)
At times, bad things happened because I did the right thing. Doing the right thing usually comes at a price.
Me Too: Part Eight
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are the weak people.
I often forget this Kingdom truth, so central to Christ’s life and teaching. All my life, I’ve been at war with my own weakness. But weakness is the only way to glory.
We see it in Christ’s coming. King of the Universe comes as a tiny infant needing his diaper changed. He grows among us as a peasant—an ugly peasant, no less. He experiences our griefs, cares, sicknesses, and burdens. He lives as a homeless vagrant, preaching forgiveness and repentance, healing the sick, casting out demons, ticking off the upper and religious classes. And then he lets his own creation murder him. Because that was the plan.
Me Too: Part Seven
Before I continue my story, let's review a few important steps on the path to inner healing.
God's Pursuit
No one goes anywhere with God unless first invited by the Holy Spirit. Ultimately, every healing story begins with God's desire for our wholeness, not our desire for wholeness. Apart from him, we don't even know we're broken.
Confession
We have to agree with God that we're broken. Sometimes, we have to speak this agreement aloud in the presence of other believers.
Me Too: Part Six
What you believe matters.
A belief is like a seed. Throw it into the soil of the mind. Wait. In time, the belief yields the fruit of behavior. As the nature of the fruit depends upon the nature of the seed, so the nature of the behavior depends upon the nature of the belief.
All beliefs bear fruit eventually, no matter how deep you bury them.
Me Too: Part Five
All healing is a process. It usually doesn't take place overnight. I've found that even instantaneous healings often include substantial backstory.
The reason for this is that healing isn't about healing. Healing is about relationship, as is everything in the kingdom of God.
Read 1 John. You'll see. It's all about God loving you, you loving God, and us loving each other. God is about relationship, so everything he does is about relationship.
Before I had this revelation, I knew the truth of it instinctively.
When I became so sick after the birth of my daughter, I clung to God for dear life. Inside of me resided this deep knowing that I would not survive without God. I needed him. More than I needed food, water, or sleep.
Me Too: Part Four
At age 10, I was caught in a tug-of-war between light and dark. God had delivered me out of childhood sexual abuse and experimentation. He pursued me and loved me. But the stain of what happened lingered in my soul.
I became an angry child. No one understood my outbursts of temper or why I was suddenly in trouble at school. Thankfully, Mom decided to homeschool my sister and me.
Me Too: Part Three
Particular consequences follow early childhood sexual abuse.
I remember always having a heightened sexual awareness--a sixth sense for anything sexual in conversation and entertainment. I could sniff out sexual lyrics in a song by age 6 or 7. Sex scenes in television and movies drew me in like the tractor beam on the Death Star.
I began to withdraw, carrying guilt and shame--not only because of what had been done to me, but because of my resulting interest in sex and accompanying sexual behaviors. (Forgive me. I have a strong aversion to the "m-" word.)
Me Too: Part Two
I turned five the summer before I entered kindergarten, making me the youngest in the class. I didn't care. I was excited to go to school. I'd loved pre-K.
The only blemish on the previous school year was the hailstorm that had made the sky go black, the windows break, and the teachers panic as they herded small children from the temporary buildings outside into the main building where we would be safer. I still remember that day and the cabbage patch doll I held when the teacher's face went white and she said we must do as she said and quickly. And while the hailstones that rained from the sky had been big enough to kill a small child had they hit her just right, I think I was in less danger that day than I was the day I entered my kindergarten classroom.
Me Too: Part One
Those who have followed my blog for the last several years know that I don't spare my readers from the dark moments, and neither do I leave them there. We always find our way out again. Until recently, I couldn't have led anyone very far in this particular darkness, which is why I haven't told this story in the past.
If you choose to read this series, I'm going to take you to some places that may bring you to face your own darkness, but I'm also going to show you where God's light was in mine so maybe you can find him in yours. I'm going to tell you how he healed my deepest wounds in hope that yours might get healed in the process. If you're up for that kind of journey, keep reading. If not, file away the web address for a later time.
Before I begin, I feel it's important to state that my story isn't unique. In fact, it's tragically common. Furthermore, my personal experience isn't even close to the worst version of this story I've heard. I'm friends with people who have experienced much worse. You, reader, may have experienced worse.